61 is the official start of old age? Surely that can’t be right

While we’re all young at heart, I refuse to be pigeon-holed into a decrepit existence of ‘can’t’ and ‘shouldn’t’

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Recently there have been murmurings about what constitutes midlife. The Encyclopaedia Britannica states that middle age is “generally defined as being between the ages of 40 and 60”. While Wikipedia suggests you can’t lump oldies all together: “one study distinguishes the young-old (60 to 69), the middle-old (70 to 79), and the very old (80+). Another study’s sub-grouping is young-old (65 to 74), middle-old (75 to 84), and oldest-old (85+).” Confuse me, why don’t you! But the general consensus is that, at 62, I am now getting on. BUT you know what, I’m not having it!
Just a few weeks ago, myself and a group of friends trotted off to the Kent coast to celebrate someone’s big birthday and collectively behaved like a boisterous, overexcited gaggle of teenagers. We laughed. We danced. We sang. Even the birds joined in with our chorus when we finally collapsed into bed at 4am.
So, tell me I am old – but don’t tell me I can’t behave in a certain way. And that way is the age I feel. Which, most of the time, isn’t a hoary has-been. I can almost hear the raised eyebrows hitting hairlines as I type this. A previous article I wrote for this paper was denigrated in the Reader’s Comments because, at 61, I described myself as a midlifer. “You’re old!!!” the critics exclaimed. Okay, okay, I know that if 61 was statistically classed as midlife, that would mean I’d be hoping to live to 122. Hardly likely. But it’s a frame of mind, and, dare I say it, a youthful appearance. I watched an 80s rom-com the other day, and everyone had bad skin, hair and teeth. Today’s sixtysomethings understand the power of SPF 50, thickening shampoos and dental floss. Come on, it’s true, we do look younger and are generally healthier than our predecessors; ever-emerging science and increased knowledge has opened the way to eluding time. Of course exceptions prevail, but my best friend hiked to Machu Picchu for her 60th birthday (she said it was hard, but not that hard), while a colleague, who’s 68, strutted the catwalk at her niece’s graduation fashion show (“the six-inch heels were a challenge but I did it”). No longer are we middle aged matrons.
Midlife may just be a number, and while I am eternally grateful for my free bus pass, I swipe it surreptitiously (I’m not advertising the fact) and give up my seat for the weary new mum with a snoozing baby in a sling. You might call me old, but I’m not taking it sitting down!
The language around ageing can be awful. We’re pigeon-holed into a decrepit existence of “can’t” and “shouldn’t”, and given (I’m not listening) age appropriate labels. I admit that it’s difficult to find the right term for our advancing years. But I baulk at “senior” and “old”, and don’t get me started on “geriatric”. The “elderly” feels patronising but “elder” has an air of experience and wisdom. Adding an “er” into the mix somehow softens things, so I’ll settle on “older” for now. After all, that’s happening to every one of us. We’re all getting older.
The key seems to be an evolving mindset. It’s not always easy but maintaining a curious and connected attitude means we are more open to things beginning rather than things ending. Having ambition, interest, and enthusiasm about what’s next is stimulating; studies have shown that being receptive to new challenges and ideas is good for brain health. And aren’t we lucky, because technology enables us to access it all. If you want to have a conversation with your kids about Tyler the Creator’s latest album, Google it; if you fancy seeing a clip of the Palme d’Or winner, go to YouTube. Like losing weight, you’ve got to put the effort in, but the rewards mean you can hold your own in any situation, regardless of your birth date.
Vasia Toxavidi, an accredited BACP-registered psychotherapist, says, “When it comes to age, you are what you think. If you believe you are too old to connect with certain aspects of life, this will eventually become your reality. Being motivated to embrace something new, to be proactive and try something different, can translate into a sense of hope – there is still a full and interesting life ahead.”
Recently, I was chatting to my 25-year-old son about his New Year’s Eve plans. We usually have a small party at our house and he always comes. This year I’m off somewhere else, and he was none too pleased. He regards this annual event as the best of times, a mix of older and younger revellers joining together to make merry. Perceptions have changed since I was his age; the thought of being with my parents on NYE would be an alien concept. My dad had a cup of Horlicks and went to bed at 11pm before “the damn fireworks start”. Does my son think I’m old? Of course he does. Does it mean we are generations apart? No. One thing I do know, our kids don’t analyse age like we do. They’ve got too much other stuff to think about. And if they’re having a good time, that’s enough for them.
I was eating lunch in a local café the other day and a woman, I’d guess, in her 70s sat near me. Her white hair was snipped in a sharp pixie cut, she was wearing checked tailored trousers and a fake fur jacket, her lips were the colour of cochineal. If you described her appearance to an alien, it could befit a woman half her age. But it didn’t matter a hoot. Because she looked amazing.
What made this woman appear stylish and appealing? It’s a difficult one to pin down, but she was ageing well. Yes, with chutzpah but also with a ton of dignity and class. She looked youthful, but not overtly young. She had that innate ability, which some folk just have, to carry it off. Take Juliette Moore (63), Barack Obama (63); Meryl Streep (75), Helen Mirren (79); Emma Thompson (65), George Clooney (63) and Kristin Scott Thomas (64). They’ve got it.
It’s a fine line. Literally. We are immersed in an era of faces frozen in time and pillowy skin that makes someone like Madonna look like a Care Bear. Of course, who isn’t enticed by the endless variety of rejuvenation products, but we’re on iffy ground when embarking on that pilgrimage to defy our years. The commitment to tweakments and more has become part of our routine. It’s considered shameful to have cellulite or open pores, and woebetide anyone with crow’s feet. But what pressure are we putting on ourselves, and more to the point, what role model are we flaunting for the next generation?
The bar is already set too high by thousands of strangers on TikTok who parade their ethereal faces, filtered to within an inch of reality, to their impressionable fledgling followers. Yes, I do spend decent money on a retinol cream, but older skin is meant to have creases – there lies the evidence of living a life. Striving to look forever like our juvenile selves can be harmful.
Vasia Toxavidi adds, “Perhaps there is some form of denial going on? By not accepting certain aspects of ageing, are you being true to yourself? Turning your back on this natural process can have detrimental effects on your happiness, because you may not be content with who you are or where you are in life.
“Ageing can take us through a grieving process. We lose a lot when we age: people we love, our health, our looks. You can’t acknowledge who you are as an older person if you don’t confront the losses. Of course, you may not be able to climb the stairs easily or appear wrinkle-free in the mirror, but understanding this, and doing the best you can with what you’ve got, will bring a level of acceptance and, consequently, a more realistic and happier perspective.”
It’s no surprise that your health is the qualitative barometer for your older years. The future-proofing five: diet, exercise, low alcohol-consumption, no smoking and good sleep, won’t just help to keep you alive longer, they can benefit the way you function and look. A 2021 study revealed that people who kept on top of their health and regularly went for check-ups at their doctors significantly reduced their risk of chronic conditions like high blood pressure and cholesterol. And a government study showed unhealthy diets are estimated to cause more than 75,000 premature deaths each year, while life expectancy can be increased by up to 10 years with improved eating habits.
David McDermott, founder of McDermott Fitness Academy, says he has seen a rise in older adults exercising regularly. “I recently taught a Calisthenics class and had a lady in her 70s attend every week! Against traditional recommendations, she was performing handstands against the wall and ‘skin the cat’ on the gymnastics rings.”
Martin Prince, Professor of Epidemiological Psychiatry at Kings College, London, believes, “The notion that you can say midlife ends at 60 and old age starts at 61 is nonsense. Obviously, the reality is so variable. But my work pushes me to ask, is brain health improving? I have seen the incidence of dementia is going down. This means fewer people are developing dementia and at a later age, but then they are living for longer, so the prevalence of dementia is not going down. Research suggests that, along with other factors, lifelong healthier diets help the brain to age better.”
Dr Nichola Conlon, a molecular biologist, studies ageing on the inside. She says, “For many years we thought ageing was inevitable. But now scientists believe ageing can be reversed at the cellular level. We can address the damage to our cells, which happens over time, by increasing levels of a cellular repair molecule known as NAD+.” As founder of Nuchido Laboratories, Conlon has developed Nuchido TIME+, a supplement that switches on natural NAD+ production in cells. “This product has been through a full clinical trial, which provided scientific evidence that it is able to reverse the biological age of participants (some of whom were up to 80 years old) while improving energy levels and skin condition.”
Whether you’re keen to reverse your age, stay young at heart or look forever fantastic, we all agree that our quality of life, especially in the latter stages, is a priority.
And finally, back to that significant celebration on the Kent coast… the birthday friend, who is a party person and never wants to go home, announced at dawn as the other guests were leaving, “Don’t go! I hate the end!!!” None of us relish putting a halt on the good times, and so that’s why it seems like a good idea to eke out the glory years for as long as possible.
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